Interview with a Walter

A "Walter" is a grizzly species that roams free in Colorado. It is a hairy animal that eats mainly road kill, but ocassionally bakes cookies. Walters love turkey. So much so that they make a yearly migration across states to celebrate Thanksgiving. We lured one to our house this weekend with the promise of a Turkey Fry. Here is his story:    

Megan: Not all of our readers know that you were on the cross country team with Steve in college and you also lived with him in the Runners' House.  Can you tell us a little about yourself?  What are your hobbies?

Walter: I enjoy pretty much anything outdoors: running, biking, swimming, spelunking.  I also brew my own beer. 

Megan: Interesting.  So we know you like to hunt.  How many wild animals have you eaten over the years?

Walter: Number or types?  The types are fish, crayfish, deer, elk, turkey, rabbits, squirrels, and antelope. 

Megan: Squirrels?  Really? 

Megan: How did you like the Turkey Fry?  We know you've eaten turkey that you've run over in your truck.  Hopefully it was better than that.

Walter: It was awesome.  Meals are best when all the courses can be fried.  It was nice to see all my old Rolla friends and their wives.  Also, it was funny to push Tyler to the point where he throws down his cards in a board game.  

(Steve's Note: The "friends" comment generates argument between Walter/Megan, pretty much all of it isn't fit to blog.  Megan finally gets to the the question she really likes to bug Walter with)

Megan: Walter, when are you going to get married?

Walter: When I find a girl that can put up with all my ways...

Megan: Your backward ways?

Walter: My different ways.

Walter: (edited)

Megan: We can't put that on the blog.

Megan: Moving on.  Walter, what do you think our baby is going to be like?

Walter: I think it'll be a cute kid, but having known both of you in your teens...

Megan: You actually didnt.

Walter: Well, close enough.  Anyway, I think the child will go through an awkward stage. From maybe 4-25 it's probably going to be a little weird.

Megan: Do you feel displaced by our child. Like we'll love you less?

Walter: Yes.  However, I was happy to find out I can at least keep my room here.

Walter: Why are we doing this interview, again?

Megan: Tell us a bit about living with Steve during college.

Walter: Well, it's a good thing Steve got married right after college. Given no supervision, he'd probably just pile dishes up in the kitchen. (Steve's note: Just so you know both sides of the story, Walter once got so ticked off at me not washing my dish - I'm pretty sure I only used the one - that he took all the dishes off the counter in the kitchen and "cleaned them up" by moving them to his bedroom, where he broke some of them in a rage.)

Walter: How long does this stuff stay on the blog?

Megan: That's not important.

Megan: We've talked a bit about seeing a movie today. What's your favorite movie?

Walter: Schindler's List

Megan: That's depressing.

Walter: Pff, Well.  It's a great story about a man who despite his shortcomings can do good for the world.

Megan: Interesting.  Walter, we know you like to travel.  I believe everyone knows the story of you driving to Wichita in the 110 degree Kansas heat with your truck heater on -so the engine wouldn't blow- and nothing to eat but fried chicken and warm chocolate milk.  But, where would you like to travel if you didn't have to get there in your non-cruise controlled truck?

Walter: Way up the Amazon. Somewhere remote.  Where no one asks any questions.

Megan: Very subtle.  Walter, would you care to share the painful story of your addiction with our readers?

Walter: It started off harmless. I was just a high school sophomore, you know. A friend offered me a little bit. It was good. I mean real good.  From there it grew. When I was 17 I started buying it on my own. Now I have stashed in the house, in the car, and I even have to keep it in my pocket. I can't go anywhere without my Carmex.  (Steve's note: For those that don't know though, Carmex is really just chapstick in a tin instead of a push-up stick.  Don't tell Walter that though.  I think he actually gets physical pleasure from the imagined illicitness of it all.)

Megan: Okay.  I can't think of any more questions.  Steve?  

Steve: I'm not really set up for both questioning and typing here.

Megan: I guess we're done then.  I hope we've educated the public a little on the enigma that is Walter.